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 Out of the Darkness

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Capricorn Hunter

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Join date : 2010-06-02
Age : 24
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PostSubject: Out of the Darkness   23.10.11 22:43

Word Count: 1,316


Let me tell you something about me. I’m not the happiest person in the world. Sure, one would say that I have a good life. I mean, I have friends that I can talk to, parents that at least show that they love me, and I do moderately well in school. I have it all going for me, right?
Wrong. Like I said, I’m not the happiest person in the world. My parents wondered why. Why does my daughter lash out at us like that? Why have her grades started slipping? Why is she always tired? Why does she never smile anymore? Why, why, why. That’s all I ever heard from them, though I never had the answers. How could I? It’s not like I chose to be like this; it just happened. Or maybe it didn’t, I can’t really remember to be honest.
My mother had had enough of it. She took me to a therapist and demanded that she be told what was wrong with her daughter. I put up a huge fight, but I inevitably lost. I tried to insist that nothing was wrong with me, but apparently there was.
Depression. That ugly, ugly word. After hours of being psychoanalyzed, that’s what the doctor came up with. That had to be it! The exhaustion, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, the mood swings. It all pointed to depression. It couldn’t possibly be anything else.
“Don’t worry honey, we can help you,” is what the doctor said to me after I was “diagnosed.” The way she looked at me when she said that, and her tone of voice… It was like I was being admitted to a mental hospital or something. I wasn’t crazy, just super sad all the time. Just give me a pill and I’ll be fine.
I found out though that there other ways of fixing this “problem.” I could go for counselling, see what the root of the problem was. I wasn’t really up for that. Having strange people I didn’t know asking me questions about my personal life didn’t really appeal to me. That’s why I (rudely) declined to go through with that. My mother suggested that I “go outside more” and “make friends” and crap like that. Yes, because I didn’t already go outside and have friends. If that was the case, then I wouldn’t be depressed now, would I?
So I just said that I’ll take the pills and be done with it. But I wouldn’t just take two a day and everything would be fine after a few weeks. This was a “long-term investment” as my doctor told me. I had to take these drugs for the better part of a year, even if I was starting to feel better. And the dose would steadily increase, and there would be side effects, and blah, blah, blah. I was so sick of listening to this doctor babble on about all this crap I didn’t care about, that I sat there and nodded at everything she said. My mom was listening to it so I didn’t need to pay attention, right?

Chapter One: Let’s Get Started

I heard my alarm blaring right next to my ear and groaned. Why did I have to get up for school? I often asked this question when I woke up for school every morning. I would usually reply with the same answer: it was a prison, dedicated to teaching our youth the importance of essay writing, parabolas, and that ma=F.

“Honey, get out of bed! You have to get ready for school!” my mother yelled from downstairs. I groaned again. What was wrong with her? I already knew that I had to be up. Maybe I could just wait for her to leave and stay home again…
I shook my head and grumbled some more before finally rolling out of bed and trudging down the stairs to the kitchen. I scratched my head and yawned while my mom was hurriedly eating a bowl of cereal.

“Good morning!” she called out to me happily. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye but said nothing, walking to the other side of the kitchen and reaching for the cabinet where those stupid pills were kept. I heard my mother give a loud humph as she added, “Well, aren’t we chipper this morning.” I ignored her and grabbed the bottle, my hand shaking slightly. I still don’t know why.
It wasn’t a very large bottle. Then again, the pills weren’t that big either. There were 90 inside, each 10 mg of uh…something. I couldn’t remember that crazy-long name. I was only supposed to start off with one, and depending on how I responded to it, we would go from there. Whether that meant trying something else or increasing the dose I wasn’t sure, but I had nothing to lose, right?
I fiddled with the child-proof cap for a few moments before I finally opened the bottle and stared into it. 90 small, white pills stared back at me. I swallowed, feeling my mouth suddenly go dry. I took one out of the bottle and placed it on my tongue. It felt really strange; I wasn’t accustomed to taking pills. I didn’t think that it would have a taste, but to me it tasted stale. I don’t know why. I quickly poured myself a glass of water and brought to my lips, but I hesitated a moment before downing it, swallowing the pill in one gulp. I looked at the now empty glass in my hands, counting the individual drops of water left behind, turning it over in my hands. I just noticed the silence in the kitchen and I turned to my mother who was staring at me intently. I raised an eyebrow.

“What?” I asked out loud. She waved her hand in a “nothing, nothing” motion and cleaned up her eating area before grabbing her work bag and running out the door before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Have a good day!” she called out as I heard the door slam. I stood there silently for a few moments before I remembered that I had to get ready for school. With a sigh I walked up the stairs and started my usual morning routine rather sluggishly.
When I was ready I slung my bag over my shoulder, leaving my lunch on the table, put my shoes and jacket on, and walked out the door into the crisp March air. It was still quite cold and I could see my breath as it condensed, but I shrugged it off. I was always cold anyway.
Walking briskly to the bus stop, I tried to keep the thoughts of those pills at bay. How would they affect me? Would they work? Was I just kidding myself into thinking I could be helped? These were questions I wasn’t prepared to face at the moment.
As I turned the corner to walk down the street, I saw the bright lights of the bus amid the darkness of the early morning and panicked.

“Shit!” I swore as I sprinted down the road. I was thankful there was no snow on the ground today or else I would have slipped and possibly killed myself. I briefly pondered the effect of that when I arrived at the doors of the bus, out of breath and relieved that I had made it there in one piece. The doors swung open and the old man in the driver’s seat looked down at me with contempt as I climbed aboard. I muttered my thanks and flopped into the closest empty seat I could find. I leaned back and looked out the window, wondering what kind of day I would have. Judging by the start of it, it wasn’t going to be very good.
Oh well.

I don't care about what happens to you // But maybe I need you

I will destroy you, if it is the last thing I do // You've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed
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PostSubject: Re: Out of the Darkness   23.10.11 23:01

It is well-written, indeed.

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PostSubject: Re: Out of the Darkness   29.10.11 18:56

I like it! Freakin happy pills, noooooooooooooo!
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