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The Wanderer
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Posts : 5826
Join date : 2010-02-12
Age : 24
Location : Settling back into his home on IDR.
Random : The Internet is a cold, cold, amazing place.

PostSubject: Feedback   11.08.11 6:12

Master asked me to post this up :3 Go ahead and give me and him some feedback on the book~


The internet is no longer just a land of videos and forums.
I have observed the great idiots of America from all over the internet.
I have lived among the Bronies, Redditers, Furry Clan, Tumblers, and Whovians.
I have watched virtual cities rise and fall, both because of strife, or because of trends.
I have wandered to many great forums across the internet and observed many different places.
I am the Wanderer and I have traveled through the many planes of existence that is the Internet.
I have learned a lot about this world and realize I know nothing about it at all. Thus I will continue to wander.
I am no longer a commander, I am no longer a Queen, I am The Wanderer
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Capricorn Hunter
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Posts : 2992
Join date : 2010-06-02
Age : 23
Location : Canada
Random : Of course I'm right

PostSubject: Re: Feedback   11.08.11 9:49

I really love the concept, but honestly, I feel it could be so much more. And there are a lot of run-on sentences and missing punctuation, so it would be good if you had someone read over it before it was posted.




I don't care about what happens to you // But maybe I need you

I will destroy you, if it is the last thing I do // You've worked too hard to have your happiness destroyed
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Rarity
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Posts : 1361
Join date : 2010-06-19
Age : 22
Location : United States
Random : I will love and tolerate the shit out of you.

PostSubject: Re: Feedback   11.08.11 9:56

Capricorn Hunter wrote:
I really love the concept, but honestly, I feel it could be so much more. And there are a lot of run-on sentences and missing punctuation, so it would be good if you had someone read over it before it was posted.

This is why I said that you needed a beta-reader, lol.


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http://www.studioknockout.com/puppylove/
Zentaku
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Posts : 10509
Join date : 2010-01-09
Age : 25
Location : the place between ultimate despair and pure bliss.
Random : With time all things change and all people change. Nothing is constant.

PostSubject: Re: Feedback   11.08.11 12:37

I tend to agree, it could use a little technical improvement, but the story is solid enough, and the characters make a colorful contrast to the darker world for a rather interesting environment.


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